Now that we’ve been on the road for a year, we’ve been having our annual medical checkups. (You may remember our six-month checkup at the dentist’s office in Istanbul.) The experience has been an interesting one, to say the least. We’ve mentioned before that we have international health insurance through MSH whom, so far, we recommend very highly. In Turkey they did not have in-plan practitioners, but in Rome we had a wide choice of options. We did all we could to communicate with the various offices by email, but we usually ended up on the phone with bored Italian receptionists. That garnered mixed results, but we have now finally learned how to spell our names in Italian, having failed at it repeatedly. The result was a whole slew of appointments. Here’s how our medical checkups went in 2023!
General Practitioner
We found a giant medical office more or less near us, and scheduled annual physicals with a GP. He took us together, and we spoke Italian the whole time. (We were very proud of ourselves; we’d been practicing for days.) We discussed a few concerns, one of which was a lingering cough Laurel had had for a couple of months. He said there was nothing wrong with her lungs but wrote a prescription for a spray that she could fill if she liked. It turned out to be 50 Euro to fill, so she decided she didn’t like. The cough has since disappeared on its own.
Then the doctor ordered a series of tests, which happen at a lab. But things work differently in Italy. They ask us – faint with hunger and ready to pee – whether we have brought our urine. We look at each other, worried, and say, sort of, gesturing toward the area where we are storing it. They explain that they take blood samples, but we will collect our urine ourselves, in containers we buy at the pharmacy. And then we will bring it to them. So we do. Results come back quickly, and all is well. Overall score: B+; we were proud of ourselves for all that Italian, but unhappy about having to tote our effluvia around. Also, a bit worrying about the expensive prescription, but it was unnecessary in the end.
Gynecologist
Once we discovered that the GP did not examine lady parts, Laurel scheduled her annual checkup. The gynecologist did not leave the room while Laurel undressed, which reminded her that Americans are notoriously prudish. Also, she performed an ultrasound, which Laurel had never had before. It was interesting and the doctor explained everything. More proof that Italy believes in specialization: mammograms happen elsewhere; Laurel got an order for it and called there to make an appointment.
First, the receptionist berated Laurel for not having brought her previous mammogram results in. She tried to explain that she’d never been given them; in the US we don’t trust people with their own medical information. But she was still made to feel shamefully inadequate. In the US a mammogram is like having your breasts slammed in a car door; no doubt there is some technical difference in the method of scanning but in Italy it was decidedly less dreadful. Then the technician told Laurel to get on the examining table. She hung out, alone and topless, until a doctor came in, squirted lubrication onto her chest and examined her breasts. A lot.
If this sounds in the least bit like sexy-time, you have got the entirely wrong end of the stick. Also – we have not yet mentioned that this lab was a Catholic hospital – there was a beatific picture of Jesus observing the whole experience. This did not make it less creepy, actually. The doctor threw the world’s smallest paper towel at Laurel and left. She cleaned up, using a hundred more paper towels. The only positive part of the experience is that Laurel got her mammogram results, while she was still at the center, in both X-ray and CD form. So at least she can bring them next time, wherever next time is, if that’s a thing there. Score: A+ and then F.
Eye Doctor
We tried and failed to schedule eye health exams as well as vision tests. Eventually we found a mall-kind of place near the train station. It was actually in the train station, underground. Claudio, who performed our exams, was lovely; we want him as our Italian best friend. He took us through the usual eye tests (isn’t it handy that we learned the alphabet?), and one or two we weren’t familiar with. There was no glaucoma test or discussion of cataracts. Then it got weird. Our prescriptions had both changed, a little. We said we didn’t want new glasses this year. But it turned out that this place gives free eye exams, making its money by selling you glasses. We did not receive our prescriptions and we couldn’t pay Claudio. Which means he is probably not going to be our best friend. Score: Claudio: A. Us, B.
Dentist
This turned out to be the most difficult of all to schedule. Then, when we got to the medical centre (a different medical centre) the dental wing was impossible to find. We turned out to have booked dental cleanings but not exams. The man who cleaned our teeth was brutally thorough. We ate nothing but gelato for days afterward. Though, to be fair, we were working on a post on gelato, so only some of that was the pain. He didn’t speak to either of us, except to chastise us for not flossing enough (we do, really!). And we did not get our teeth examined. Then again, after their rough treatment, they just wanted to crawl into our jaws and be left alone for a week or two. Score: D, both because of the experience and because of the lack of an actual check-up.
The Aftermath
At each of these places, we explained that we had private insurance, and that we were not members of the national Italian system. We have been told by people here that the national system is not very good, most especially in terms of how long you have to wait. Our difficulties in making appointments, though, were entirely of our own making; most places said they could see us with a day or two of our contacting them. The bills were mostly in the 100 Euro range, which seemed pretty reasonable to us. We’ll make sure to get more thorough dental and eye exams next time we have medical checkups.
As happened last time, the online submission of receipts to MSH was easy, and we were reimbursed in fully very quickly. They told us we’d used up our annual dental allowance, which made us more annoyed than before that we hadn’t received proper exams. Still, aside from a few linguistic mishaps and several invasive moments, we remain convinced that European healthcare is affordable and of high quality.
